Xemoniphon the Elder
Xemoniphon the Elder is a famed artist who lived in the Third Dynasty of Meteora, which in itself was no easy feat. Most famous for the Haiku of Keysmith Xemoniphon the Elder, Xemoniphon’s works in philosophy, poetry, numerology, and baking culminated in the creation of many keys, apparently at the behest of none other than Atherton Guage himself. The exact number of keys created in Xemoniphon’s time is unknown, as is his particular role in their creation.
Unlike many other figures of his time, certain details of Xemoniphon’s life are known, both from the Codex Ingenuous and other firsthand artifacts, surviving despite (or perhaps because of) his mortality. Indeed, many such documents seem to reference his impending death. From a love/hate-letter from Fiona the Too-Young-To-Die to Wilfred the Impulsive, we know he was accidentally conceived during a particularly distressing act of ingenuosity by Kelorna the Extremely Confused. He took an apprenticeship at the remains of a library where he was tasked with reconstructing scraps of books, and subsequently fired when the librarian realized he couldn’t read. From there, he took a job at a bakery, where the exposure to dragonfire ovens seemed to change him.
According to a resurfaced court record, two years after this supposed change in personality, a lawsuit formed of families of customers who reportedly had gone insane upon consumption of his croissants (among the complainants was the wife of a former head-baker in the shop). The suit claimed these croissants used “an unreasonable number of dimensions” and “uncountably finite” folds of butter. This lawsuit was dismissed after Exhibit A reportedly gave the judge a brief seizure, during which the judge absolved him of all blame by blinking wildly and convulsing on the floor. The decision was appealed, but due to double jeopardy laws, fell through. This suit purportedly attracted the attention of many famed scholars of the day, in particular Atherton, as detailed in a parable in the Codex Ingenuous, the Delicious Temptation of the Wheelmind.
The fame of the Haiku leads some scholars to disregard the importance of his baking, but in truth, baking was the ultimate source of his many skills. For what more performative art is there than in the fleeting bites of a meal well cooked? Xemoniphon pioneered many of the famed dragonfire and keysmithing techniques in his time as a patissier. According to a take-out menu, one of the most popular items served was a cupcake, which tasted exactly how people thought it tasted.
The death of Xemoniphon is haughtily debated amongst scholars. Some argue that it was an act of Kelorna, others say the roving dragons got to him first, and others point to an intriguing story in the Codex itself, in which he popped into thin air after disproving his existence by a series of petit fours.
Gustivus Pulluman, author of the award-winning cookbook, Seventy Yet More Unexpected Recipes for Dragonflesh