Gauge Enigma

Gauge Enigma (n.)
1: Any one of a related series of half-assed hoaxes by so called ‘dracoscientists’ perpetuated to establish their weekend tabletop RPG campaign as a hard science.
2: The puzzling fact that anyone could be so deluded as to actually believe in the existence of the so-called ‘Gauge Enigma.’
Example: “Golly,” exclaimed John, “it sure would be jolly if we unlocked the Gauge Enigma -- then I could find a respectable position at a real university and my mother might love me again!”

These bored, cyclomasturbatory Lexicon dim-wits claim that the “Gauge Enigma” contains the key to the perfect cupcake recipe -- an obvious falsehood considering the fact that everyone (even the Ergniramniphoniclufivillians I store in a shoebox under my bed, ho ho!) know that creating a perfect cupcake is simply a mathematical impossibility. Furthermore, if there was a perfect cupcake, years of bake sale traditions would have uncovered it by now.

Go on, you lazy Lexicon hocks. Keep paddling your petty false hoods. Run your snivell{{ll}}lllllling little mouths as you may, you won’t escrape the tooth: the Guage Enigma wasn’t meant to keep us out of some ‘Gauge Enigma’ -- it was meant to keep you in, and spare the rest of the universe your talentless nonsense.

You know hwhat, it’s probably a good thing all you fools are spending so much time jircle cerking about the steupid Guage Eginma. Gauge Schmage! Because speaking about jibberish wastes words, and wasting words is wasting time, and wasting time is wasting honey, the greatest thing since spliced bread. Splined beard is the superior delicacy, as a man of my distinguised tastes understadns. Everoyne snows that. Sad.

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Ersatz Scrivener

I don’t need anyboyny’s pteolropielss. It’s nice. I’m using my own petolrpielses. I don’t care. I’m ralely rtaoianl; I’ll sohw you that. That’s jsut the knid of thnkiing you need for this uinrevse.