Massively Parallel Peace Conference
I swear, I don't know why they let the fuckers at the Disputatious Assembly of Sovereigns make any decisions at all. Like, any entropologist will tell you that things get shittier over time, but they didn't need to fuck things up this badly.
So, 940 was when all this shit started going downhill. Selestei and the germs were at war, Flandre and the whales were at it, half the Careless Continent was at war with other countries and the other half were at war with themselves—basically it was the most war we've had since the War of Durun's Ass, except this time the little twerps couldn't even muster the self-awareness to form teams first.
So along comes fucking Lepazzia and tells everyone they're showing up to a peace conference. And of course everyone comes, because Lepazzia doesn't really throw its weight around but holy shit do you not want to get on their bad side. So everyone shows up and the Lepazzian Sovereign Assface Bumblefuck—okay, not actually his name, but it might as well be—Bumblefuck gives this speech about everyone's going to make nice so they can feel good. And this lot is all politicians, they might have developmentally disabled squirrels for brains but they can read between the lines when someone's threatening them, so they all hurry into their assigned rooms and sign the quickest, dirtiest treaties they can.
So, like, think about that. Peace treaties are supposed to shape the conduct of the nations involved, right? And if two nations are at war, then those nations probably have some fucking issues, right? After all, only an inbred cretin would think that nations go to war for no fucking reason, right? So given all that, if the original issues still exist, and you still make those nations sign a shitty peace treaty, then what the fuck do you think happens next?
I fucking swear, you can trace every political catastrophe in the last fifty years to this disaster of a conference. The first problem, obviously, is that this is peak Lepazzia here. Like, passive-aggressively threatening people with passive-aggression to force them to self-sabotage? I don't know why we didn't bomb the fuckers into radioactive shrapnel three centuries ago. Fucking cowardly Sovereign.
Anyways, second problem once the first half of the Careless Continent stopped fighting each other, they all had civil wars, and once the other half finished their civil wars they started fighting each other. Flandre and the Hegemony are in cold war still, and that's basically the main reason we have to deal with this Disarrangement Act bullshit in the first place. The only decent peace that came out of this is that Selestei and the Contagious Republic aren't at war, and that wasn't even a proper war in the first place! Like, fuck, it was some twit sneezing on doorknobs because he refused to take his medicine! How is that a war, you fuckers? Get over here, I'll show you you some fucking war.
Gwen Hanson, PhD