Windstriding

So Pierce described windstriding as getting thrown off an airship with a rope attached, since he's dumber than a squirming pile of cats in a trenchcoat pretending to be a fucking scholar. You can tell he's clearly never been out there, because that description is so fucking wrong—well, okay, technically all those things happen but that's not the fucking point, okay? If you wanna know what windstriding is, go catch a ride on the next Ulgrav ship that resupplies in your area, find one of the tourist-friendly companies, and go punch the clouds with your face. Pick Yasser's Yells if you can. Ask for Ricardo. Tell him I sent you. I get a coupon for every new person I refer. The Secretary of the DAS even recommends it!

Again, you're not really going to get it unless you're just out there freezing your ass off and having the time of your life. But I'll try to translate it for you ground-bound dunderheads. First of all, you have to realize that the sky has always been important to the Ulgravians. Ancient Ulgrav was less a state than the territory of several nomadic warrior tribes. The plains were our home, and we liked the sky because it was a lot like the plains but with fewer enemies. "Cloud" in Ulgravian is literally translated "Rising dust from the hooves of warrior mounts," and that might seem like a mouthful but in Ulgrav there's a single word for it. Long story short, when we packed up and left because of those passive-aggressive snot-worms, there was only one place we could go that was true to our roots: up.

Second thing, there's an old Ulgravian sport where you'd take an enemy's shield (unless you'd just fought the Grim Weepers, who never used shields, in which case you'd use one of their broadswords instead), tie it to your horse, and then let it gallop off. You'd be standing on the shield (or sword), of course, so you'd have to pull yourself up the rope onto your galloping horse. Good clean family fun, except all those times when people slipped and dashed their head open on a passing rock or something. Whatever, it was harder to traumatize kids back then. Anyways, you're a warrior tribe with a horse-based sport and you don't have horses but you do have one sweet-ass zeppelin, so what do you do? Obviously, tie the shield to the airship and then jump off and let the airship gallop.

Then, after everyone who tried it that way plummeted to their deaths, they adapted it so that the rope was tied to the person. Some groups'll still do it with the shield, and there's a subfaction that claims windstriding is all about surfing the shield on the air currents. Don't listen to them, they're goatfuckers with no sense of history and none of their children will survive the winter.

I don't mean to besmirch your ostensibly excellent scholarship, but I seem to recall that you waited in ambush for the Secretary to use the coffee machine, then browbeat her until she said she liked your friend's business. I also seem to recall the exact wording of her "recommendation" was "Fine, if it'll make you go away, yes! I like it!"

Citations: Omega Point Coffee Secretor

I've always thought that the truest mark of Dr. Hanson's misosophical skills is the fact that she still doesn't have a misosophy degree.

Citations: The Dark Pentad

You and me, Rubric. Lunchtime. Out back. Bring your weapons.

Say, Gwen, do people ever fall off the windstriding rope on purpose? Like, if someone were trying to clandestinely parachute into a country without JUSTICE extradition, or escape arrest. This is all hypothetical, I'm just asking for... academic purposes.

Citations: Joint University Strike Team for Interdisciplinary Collaboration Enforcement

If such a thing ever happened, I'm sure I've never heard of it. But sometimes people have accidents, and it's not unheard-of for tourists like, say, yourself to wear parachutes just in case. Just be warned that bulky items like that increase your chances of slipping off. I could maybe introduce you to my friend Yasser, but it's so hard to schedule the time these days. I'm sure I'll get to it eventually.

I understand, with all the hard work you've been doing on the Butterfly Effect Advisory Committee report, it's difficult to find spare time. But perhaps we could discuss this while we meet regarding my recommendation for the Disputatious Assembly as to whether to pass the Disarrangement Act. I'm sure you would have some valuable insight to offer on the subject.