Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine

I know that other guy was s'posed to write this article, but I kinda felt like his version was too negative, so here's my corrected version instead, ha ha ha!

That's right! I stole the article in your little book here!

Anyways, I think there's a lot of cool stuff about me! Like how I stole that one special key thingy from the big museum and nobody realized until I pointed it out just now, ha ha ha. Yeah, uh, you might wanna beef up your security a li'l bit, y'know? Point is, the key in there's a fake, I got no idea how you chumps haven't noticed by now. And also I'm only thirteen but people already think I look grown-up, cuz I'm just that awesome!

Ooh, and here's a fun bit of trivia! You know my awesome kickass nickname, Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine? You know why they call me that? It's cuz when people don't use my bad-ass tag, I steal whatever they're writing. That's, like, well I guess you don't realize how hard that is. Like, one time this old gramps got his newspaper all the way through publication, so, like, I had to go running all around town and mug all the paperboys and stuff... yeah. Not a super fun night.

But shyeah, I'm super good at stealing stuff. It's like, dragon hoard? BAM. Stole it. Top-secret research findings? BAM. Stole it. I'm a stealing machine, baybay. And I totally got myself adopted by Hans's mom, ON her freaking deathbed. And he was trying to be a good brother, so he brought me along to stop my buddy Throg from stealing more of the Codex. Then, while Kelorna's birds were all going after Throg, I stole the stuff we were after! Then I stole all Hans's keys, too! Gotcha, bro!

Take whatever you want and don't give anything away for free, that's my motto! And, like, some people don't like that, but that's just 'cause they're not good at stealing things, ha ha ha! When it comes to stealing I am simply the best there is!

"But Mean Petrine the Stealing Machine, you impossibly beautiful scoundrel, why are you telling us this? Didn't you just say you never give things away for free?"

Well thanks for asking, ha ha ha! But, see, I didn't give anything away!

You know that ignorance you used to have about how awesome and good-looking I am?

BAM.

STOLE it!

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Mean Petrine the Stealing Machiiiiiiiine! XOXOXO <3