Legend of the Three Trees

The Legend of the Three Trees is a Flandrean hit piece from the turn of the century, written in the style of a myth from the Book of Schemes. In a conceit common to that time, it was published under an editor's note claiming the text to be much older and recently uncovered by its author, who remains anonymous. Reproduced below is the full text of Arkbridge's translation in the third disambiguation.

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A Selesteine, an Ulgravian, and a Flandrean walked into an open clearing. "Come, let us show which of us is the mightier people," suggested the Selesteine. "We shall each plant a tree and lash our banner to it. The one whose banner is nearest to the heavens shall be called the mightiest, for the mightiest reach to the heavens to grasp the stars in their fingers."

"Surely not," said the Ulgravian. "Let us each plant a tree, and the one whose banner casts the furthest shadow shall be called the mightiest, for might is not to be found in mere ascension but in ranging across the surface of the world."

"I shall agree to either challenge," said the Flandrean, "as long as the rules disqualify those whose trees are eliminated. But I should point out that both challenges are mathematically equivalent." So each planted a tree and tied a colored flag to the top to distinguish them.

When the trees had grown, the three botanists reconvened in the clearing. The tree to the east, unnaturally thick, had fallen over under its own weight. The tree to the west, thin and sickly, looked as if it were about to fall over. Yet the tree to the north was healthy and strong, and it stood above the others. Because it was noon and the sun was bright, each squinted to see the banners flying high atop the trees.

"I see my banner atop the northern tree," claimed the Selesteine. "The Ulgravian tree has no roots, and it has withered. The Flandrean tree has grown thick with schemes, and it has collapsed under the weight of them. The Selesteine tree stands tall and unbowed."

"You have stared too long into the sun, you madman. It is mine atop the northern tree," claimed the Ulgravian. "The Flandrean tree is the one withered and sickly, for it was too cautious of the ground to lay roots. The Selesteine tree has grown too thick, for it thought that was strength. The Ulgravian banner blows high and free."

"You are both fools," concluded the Flandrean. "The Selesteine has identified the Ulgravian tree, and the Ulgravian has identified the Selesteine tree. But lo, the northern tree is the Flandrean tree. I have carved the proof into its trunk every year, so that none could question. Approach it and behold." And so the Selesteine and the Ulgravian approached the northern tree, tripped the tripwire attached to the western tree, and were crushed as it fell over on them.

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If there's one thing I like about Flandre, it's their good taste in vengeance.

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Spheven Kain